Some time ago I was struck by an epiphany. It was nothing major in fact it was the essence of simplicity. It had to do with hospitality, to be specific having guests. I had built up the idea of having guests to the level of  a chore,  which meant that it was a rare occurrence. I think my nature was partly to blame, the perfectionist part in me and the limiting idea of things always needing to be perfect.

I realized though that having guests, is not about stuff (the food or house) but it is about what happens between hearts when you share your time, your food and yourself. I know that when I visit others it is not how clean their house is, or even the food that is served, but it is what I carry away from the time spent together.  It is the feeling or mood of our time shared and the stories of their day and their life become a part of my own. Since this realization, or rather change of perception, our family started to have guests over at least once a week. We have found it to not only be the highlight of the week but also nourishing to the soul.   

It seems to me that part of it was just realizing who I am, both personally and culturally. I do not have the time, skill or inclination to make labor intensive food but what I can do is make a simple meal of American comfort food and serve it with intention and love to the old and new friends that come through our door.

Muslim culture nurtures the idea that hosting is not a burden but it is an honor and therefore the host is grateful to the guest and God for having the opportunity to serve. For most of us that have grown up in the west, this is something that needs a bit of cultivation. Through the obligation of generosity Allah helps to set us free from our self-centered lives to live more in accordance with our natural state, Islam after all is a social faith.  

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I had the honor of discussing the ideas of hospitality, generosity and Islam being a social faith with Zaid Shakir of the Zaytuna Institute. Shakir said that Islam’s being a social faith it counters individualism. If you look at the five pillars: the Shahada is an individual act but it’s only valid if it is witnessed by others, the prayer is an individual act that we are all obliged to pray five times a day but it’s more virtuous to be done in a group setting, paying the Zakat is an individual obligation but its benefits extend to the entire society, the nature of the fast in Islam is that everyone can do it except those that are sick in a serious way - old people, young people, men, women - it encourages the involvement of the entire society and then it starts with a gathering of family for the predawn meal, or Suhur, and it ends with a gathering for Iftar of family and friends or at the local masjid so it is a social event. The highlight of Ramadan is theTaraweeh prayer which is a congregational prayer. With the Hajj many people consider it to be the greatest social gathering on the face of the earth where people of all climes, places, races and ethnicities come together and lose themselves in the crowd. All the men are dressed alike and there is no way to distinguish your individuality; individual is totally annihilated in the crowd.

Those are the five pillars and they all have a serious social dynamic.

I asked Shakir if we can simplify but still be generous. He said yes because if we simplify we can do it more often and the most beloved act to Allah is that it is done most consistently even if it is small. The bounties are unimaginable. The parable is if you poor water on a rock you get a very clean rock but one drop at a time will knock a hole in the rock. Consistency is very important and if you simplify, it facilitates and encourages simplicity.

It’s critically important to create real bonds between us in a setting that promotes more organic connection.

The nature of our society is that it fragments us and atomizes us and as the western hegemonic cultural juggernaut which imposes hegemony. As opposed to the diversity of our cultures where we share our food, our words, our tales and our experiences. I think here in the west it is so important because we are becoming overwhelmed by materialism and so overwhelmed by these abstracting processes that they pull us away from context, they de-contextualize us and they take us away from the context of family they take us away from the context of community and they take us away of interpersonal relations. Consciously cultivating hospitality helps to preserves our humanity. We are hardwired to be social so any space that is created to give it is wonderful.

Let him who believes in God and the Last Day be generous to his neighbor, and let him who believes in God and the Last Day be generous to his guest. (Forty Hadith of an-Nawawi)

Generosity is having the intention of making someone happy by sharing whatever we have. It is not related to quantity it is related to quality and the quality here is related to intangibles.

The Prophet said, “Ward off the Hell fire even with half a date.”  

Making a simple meal is being generous and because it is simple I will do it again. His advice to us is to, “Just show a little love, open your hearts and homes and share.  It is highly desirable.”